Category Archives: Uncategorized

Bald & Bubbly

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Yep – the hair’s coming off….
This is what I looked like 8 years ago when I did the ‘Shave for a Cure’ for my friend Catherine, who was battling Acute Myeloid Leukemia…
Happy to report Catherine’s now going great guns!!!
Here’s what happened this afternoon….
My friend Di (former colleague at Cancer Council Queensland and P/T hairdresser), came to visit – with clippers in hand…
Some people have questioned the ‘need’ to do this now, as in before the hair loss effects of chemotherapy kick in.  Yes – there’s a need!
As you know – I’ve tried to be as prepared as possible for everything this disease throws at me.  Choosing to have my head shaved is part of that preparation.  It’s a mental preparation.  I can’t control that every other bit of hair on my body will disappear (including my eyelashes – with I’m kinda fond of….), but this I can take the upper hand on.
Also – many who’ve had chemo tell me that the hair follicles become very sensitive as the hair starts to fall out in clumps.  I’ll be buggered if I’m going to wait for that, then let someone run vibrating clippers over my sore head.  No thanks!
I understand for many women in particular, this is a seriously confronting time.  A nurse suggested to me that I was brave and that appearance, hair loss & body image with cancer are such difficult things to negotiate…I agree.  But – body image to me is not about my hair. It just isn’t.  I wake up in this cancer-affected body every day.

‘Two Jugs’

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While my energy levels are on the decline, there’s a bit more energy in our home of late – meet Liliana (Lila for short)….

We love the name Lila, but she’s actually named in honour of Dr de Viana:)  (couldn’t call her ‘Daniel’ – Liliana sounds like de Viana….)  

She’s 9 weeks old.

Lila is a JUG (Jack Russell x Pug).  Before you point out the bleeding obvious – I KNOW!!!  The irony with having lost two breasts and now having two dogs – both ‘Jugs’ IS funny!!!  

Ch’i & Lila are getting used to each other and providing much entertainment.

 

Night away…

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So…..another diagnosis + a couple of surgeries and overload of information on possible treatment doesn’t exactly make for a relaxed way to mark a decade of marriage.
Paul had no idea, but with the help of a few people I managed to organise a night away.
Close to home, ridiculously indulgent & probably a bit ambitious – but we needed it.
Ohhh – I was just out of hospital and wasn’t very mobile – the maxi dress hid the not-so-sexy compression stockings!!

10 years married – let’s go the the oncologist…

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Today is our 10th Wedding Anniversary.
I can think of 100 better ways to mark the day, but have a 9am appointment with a Radiation Oncologist.
Priorities change don’t they?  Right now, this is rather pressing, so Paul and I will do something special at a later date.
In sickness and in health…….Happy Anniversary!

Angry About Antarctica…

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It’s somewhere I’ve always wanted to go.
Having done news for radio stations in Tasmania, where many of the research vessels are based between trips to the Antarctic, I’ve developed a love for this mysterious wilderness.  In fact, when I used to drive down Mount Tamborine at 2.30am on my way to work, the ABC used to have a weekly segment with one of the scientists based at Mawson’s Hut.  His vivid description of life on the ice intrigued me no end.
Would you believe in the past week I’ve discovered that rather than having to do a big expedition, leaving from Argentina – there’s a flight over the brilliant white THIS SUNDAY, leaving from Melbourne!!
I was prepared to sell the house and defy Doctor’s orders to get on the plane, until I found out I have to have another operation.
Only one thing to say – I’m ANGRY ABOUT ANTARCTICA.

Year in review…

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So, a snapshot of the year-or-so since I last wrote….
I’ve;
…spent time with some amazing people, old friends and new…
…experienced many emotions in follow-up testing…
…been involved in many breast cancer awareness opportunities, including public speaking, worked at Cancer Council Queensland,  and been part of an educational DVD for the McGrath Foundation…
…featured in an article on femininity for Marie Claire magazine, the interview process was unusual for me (I’m used to being on the ‘interviewer’ side).
As for the shoot, it was at home, with two pro’s I had an immediate connection with.  It was quite an experience and ended with some topless shots…(me – I know it’s HILARIOUS, but the sentiment at the heart of these is very raw)…
Thank you so much for your considerate work and a special experience Emma Phillips….. http://emmaphillips.com.au
…had the immense privilege of joining my Mum and observing cranio-facial surgery on 9 year old Genford, while writing a piece for Operation Smile….
…enjoyed our beautiful coastline….
And the green behind the gold…(I really do love the hinterland – specifically Tamborine Mountain)…
…been with my younger sister as she gave birth for the first time…
meet Harrison…
…indulged my creative side, done a pattern making course & let a little design business grow around me…
…and, in case you hadn’t noticed – explored my ‘dark side’ (as my fabulous gay hairdressers exclaimed when I told them I was maybe a little bored with blonde!!!)…

Good news:)

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7.17pm last night my mobile rang.  The call register shows the conversation lasted 1 minute.
“Hey Kate, Dr D here”…(okay he didn’t say ‘Dr D‘ – I’m being protective!)
“How are you, not too sore?”, I answered “bit sore, but it’ll pass, you have news?”
“We’ve got the results here, the lymph node is clear – so that’s good news.”
Enough said.
No node involvement means I don’t have to have chemo. Phew.

Deja vu

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Deja vu – disagreeable familiarity or sameness.
Origin – French.
Literally – already seen or heard.

…..so much of what I’m experiencing right now fits this description.

Discovering a lump in my ‘breast’, the instant and overwhelming, sick-to-the-stomach feeling that it was nasty, the look on my husband’s face when I asked ‘what does this feel like to you?’, people looking at me like I’m going to die…..

The cancer and my treatment is slightly more complicated this time around.

Radiation and hormone treatment are unavoidable (unless you include curling up to let cancer get you an option), and while I’m grateful to hear there’s no lymph node involvement, I would be naive to think that chemotherapy is not about to feature in conversations with various specialists.

For now, I’m recovering from a second operation in the space of a week, not to mention a hell of a jolt.  My body’s already feeling beaten up and weak.  My mind and spirit though – the opposite.

I’ll get into further detail of why I feel a ‘disagreeable familiarity or sameness’ at some point.  For now, perhaps I’ll work on providing a snapshot of what’s happened since I last put fingers to keyboard in this forum.

You’re just so unlucky…

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I recognise the number on my phone, I’ve been waiting, anxiously for this call.
It’s Andrea my breast care nurse.  This is what I scribbled down;
It went something like this;
Are you at home?
Is Paul or your Mum with you? (Heart sinks……)
You’re just SOOOOOOO unlucky…Under two percent of patients with DCIS ever experience any further problems.
UNFORTUNATELY – it’s MALIGNANT. INFILTRATING DUCTAL CARCINOMA. DANIEL’s EXCISED AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE FOR NOW.  I SHOULD HAVE RADIATION AND HORMONE THERAPY.  
It’s a 7mm tumour; 6mm IDC, the other mm is DCIS.  
Right, at least we know what we’re dealing with.
I’m not shocked.
I can’t look across the kitchen bench at Paul, I know this is a phone call that will change my life, I have to listen intently and ask as many questions as possible.
The focus then shifts from my life, to talk about my efforts to bring another life to this world.
We had a long talk about fertility issues and the fact I never made it through to egg collection as my ovaries hyper-stimulated on Chlomid.  Any further intervention in the form of IVF could be risky due to my positive oestrogen receptor status with this and the last cancer.
Andrea says one day I think you should do it, next day don’t – too risky..  We agree this is the see-saw I’ve been on since first diagnosis – only now the decision is final.  The hormone therapy, Tamoxifen, is a five year plan.  I’ll be nearly 40, have had two BC diagnoses, and this little body will have been on Tamoxifen for five years.  Not forgetting the fact Paul will be 57..I’d really only thought about the child – you know – at best – when Paul’s 60, he/she will only be three..Andrea added, Paul will be getting on – and what if something happens to me?  Right, if the gravity of this situation wasn’t clear – there it is.  I’ll be sick or dead and he’ll be left with a toddler.
I hesitantly asked whether Daniel was convinced I didn’t need chemo.  He only commented on this particular cancer – not my history as such.  He didn’t think so, but it’s really a question for the Oncologist.  They also encouraged me to get a second opinion.  Andrea told me the Oncologist might err on the side of caution and given my history, chemo would cover all bases.  I’m 34 with a second breast cancer diagnosis after having my breasts removed.
Shit.
Andrea confirmed my next follow-up appointment with Daniel and the Oncologist in coming days.  She asked if I had any questions.
Yes – I can’t speak to Daniel now?  
Kate, we’re both in front of the computer just shaking our heads, can’t believe it, you’re just so unlucky…….

Operation # 6…almost didn’t happen today!

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As I was getting ready to head to the hospital, the song in my head was ‘Stormy Weather’.  It’s been pouring rain all night and there was no sign of it letting up.  (We had torrential rain around the time of my double mastectomies and it’s been dreary weather each time I’ve gone in for surgery!)
As I changed into the paper undies, the head nurse popped her head through the curtain to tell me there was going to be a delay.  Actually – the surgery might not happen today, as some of the theatre’s have flooded – including the one I was due to go into.
I was thirsty, hungry, psyched up to go in and just wanted it done!
She calmy told me they’re trying to shuffle things around so it could go ahead and they’re trying to track Dr D down to see what he wants to do.  I told her, to tell him to ‘bring some gumboots’.  Glad they both have a sense of humour.
Anyway, I sat tight in my sexy underwear, backless gown, shower cap and compression stockings.  Eventually, the thumbs up came.  I was pretty relieved to see Dr D on the other side of those big doors.
And no, he wasn’t wearing his wellies!
The recovery – pretty much as expected.
It’s nice to be home with Ch’i to keep me company, as I wait for word on what the rotten lump actually is.