As I went to sign papers, Dr D came out to reception, gently put his hand on my shoulder, wished me good luck for the ultrasound in a couple of hours and followed up with “Happy Birthday for tomorrow, we’ll chat about the results after…..”
I looked at Leanne and Ros and exclaimed “I should hate him right now, but it’s hard when he’s so damn nice!”
I had a couple of hours to kill before I had to be back for the ultrasound. I rang Paul and explained what was to happen. He was nervous and a little vague at the same time – we agreed to catch up afterwards.
I drove three blocks to Cancer Council Queensland and my friend Shannan. We wandered across the road to get a coffee like we did when we’d worked together – but it was different. I knew I was trying to explain something completely foreign to her (we didn’t know each other when I was first diagnosed and who knew what this was going to be…), but at the same time I was preparing myself for what might be to come.
At the allotted time, I went back to radiology. So familiar, yet with a different level of importance and urgency this time. That should have frightened the hell out of me, yet I was glad for the immediate action.
The Radiographer may have been somewhat annoyed at Dr D demanding an urgent appointment and I baulked at the attitude as I unwrapped my gown. She was slightly more sympathetic to my situation when my bare, scarred chest was revealed. I guess it could be a humbling sight.
She then questioned what exactly we were looking for – when I pin-pointed ‘the lump’, she retorted “that tiny little thing!”, all I could muster was “you’ll have to excuse my concern at what you might think is a tiny little thing – because experience has taught me to be weary and trust my gut – so SCAN AWAY!”
After a bit of heated emotion (on my part), we left on good terms.
See, I was left lying there while the Radiographer went to ‘check the films’ with the Dr.
A quick check, took a lot longer than expected and when the door finally opened they both entered the room.
My heart sank. I knew they’d found something they weren’t necessarily expecting to find.
(I’d actually seen this Dr. before a few years back. Deja Vu alright.)
He asked whether it was a routine check-up or whether I’d found something unusual. He explained that ‘as I probably already knew’ breast ‘masses’ could be divided into two categories – fibrous lumps and malignant tumours. This one ‘has characteristics of the latter’, so best to do some further testing.
Plus – as I’d explained to Dr D and the radiographer – there was another area I was a little suspicious of. He described it as ‘an area of concern’. He told me Dr D had said I’d probably be pro-active and want to get biopsies done as soon as possible, should there be anything to biopsy.
Yes.
Not now (it’s too late in the day), he wasn’t available tomorrow (and it’s my birthday), so the next morning.
Agreed.
KATE CARLYLE 