Certainly not me, or anyone who knows me well.
12 months ago to the day, it was just like any other day (Friday) at work. I was fulfilling my role as News Director dealing with the station’s operational requirements, then methodically assessing releases, doing interviews, editing grabs, writing content, pulling together rundowns and presenting news during the drive show (I was covering Ange’s leave in this timeslot) with Mal Lees and Luke Bradnam.
The 6pm bulletin came and went – at the end of which, Luke – with whom I’d worked since day one at Hot Tomato, casually said (whilst still on-air) “so that’s it Katie, another week?” My response was an off-the-cuff “…yeah, this is my last bulletin with you guys”. “Whadda ya mean? EVER?” Luke quizzed. “No, I’m just off for a couple of weeks, on leave”, I replied.
I was going to have those bi-lateral lumpectomies on the Monday. Surgery booked. No big deal. Just wanted the lumps out.
Despite the four months of backwards-and-forwards, different scans, mammogram, biopsies etc. I think there were two things going on at that point; I may have known deep down there was a lot more than just a fortnight’s leave in store, and perhaps – somewhere in my consciousness I did realise that yes – that may in fact have been my last bulletin.
There’s part of me that is still obviously grieving for that ‘some sort of normal’ that I was so comfortable with. I do miss being on-air – it’s a tremendous buzz and something I worked very hard at, I always tried to do well, then do better.
Today however, as I mourn that particular career (and let myself indulge in a little moment of ‘geez, it’s sad…..I really loved it’), I began a trek down another path. I did my first media interviews as the spokesperson for the Gold Coast office of Cancer Council Queensland. Here am I answering the questions rather than asking them, crafting a response in order to push a key message, rather than searching for a compelling and easy to understand statement (grab), and having a good old belly laugh at the irony!
One Door Closes….
You know the saying…
A lot has happened these past 6-8 weeks.
At the end of the rope when it came to trying to re-integrate into the hectic, demanding 7-day-a-week responsibility of being News Director, failing at trying to negotiate a Part-Time alternative and really struggling with the prospect of walking away from the profession I’d thrived in for more than a decade – I made the difficult decision to resign.
This brief description barely scratches the surface really – but you can imagine – it was tough. Although my departure was made slightly easier by the fact that I’d been absent from the newsroom and station for the best part of a year, going in to remove my personal items was so hard. I stood in the chaotic, noise-filled (monitors/scanners/feeds etc.), but empty space – feeling like a foreigner. Cleaning out my desk was one thing – entering the sound-proof booth, with the panel, prompter and headphones I’d used on so many thousands of occasions brought me to tears. I’d reported on and presented so many stories over the years, this is where I’d done it for the past 6-or-so and now – I was leaving. I haven’t really been that angry at the cancer (okay – sometimes when limited physically) – but here I was feeling like it was forcing me out of my chosen career. I was sad, miserable in fact – and pissed off.
Within a few weeks, I’d accepted a fabulously interesting position with Cancer Council Queensland. The application process was entirely different to anything that I’d experienced in the performance and reputation based world of radio! As Cancer Action Co-ordinator I’ll be involved in promotion of prevention and early detection messages and campaigns.
Fancy that!
And – it’s Part-Time! So that time to really get back on my feet, maintain my fitness, keep writing, continue designing and dressmaking is now mine.
There’s more to come of course, but what I really want to share is that I feel incredibly blessed to have this opportunity. The organisation is doing such worthwhile work in cancer control – trying to lessen the burden of this hideous disease (through prevention and early detection, support and professional programs), whilst conducting research which may one day lead to a cancer free world. It’s very early days I know – but this feels like a good fit – I can use my professional skills as a communicator and my personal breast cancer experience to try and make a difference. Everyone in this organisation is dedicating their work life (and then some), to that mission. Lucky huh? Who would have thought?!
Strength & Shape
With the help of my oh-so-funny physiotherapist Tanya – things are slowly getting back on track.
Tanya has very quickly cottoned onto the fact that I’m a determined and somewhat pig-headed kinda girl. When I’m ‘in the zone’ things at pilates go well, when I can’t shake a headache or don’t really feel like doing a particular exercise (for very good reason of course!), there’s no making me.
We share lots of laughs while navigating our way through exercises including ‘elephant’, ‘nasty tummies’ and ‘pole dancing’!
It’s actually become a bit of a family affair, with Paul joining us once a week and having survived her initial consultation – my Mum will also be coming along on a regular basis.
Another loss.
One of the most likeable characters I was ever to meet in the wonderful world of radio – was Mr Kenn Bacon.
When I first started doing casual shifts covering the early morning news or weekend afternoon sport at Sea FM & Gold FM, I had the pleasure of working alongside this larger-than-life, ultra-enthusiastic, mad-about-music announcer. Kenn was hosting a hugely popular show ‘Saturday Night Rock’, which was broadcast to every corner of the country on the RG Capital Network.
Kenn always backed up the following morning, eagerly assisting others in his work as a Minister.
His friendship and skills combined at the altar for Paul and I – Kenn’s booming voice, liveliness, sense of humour and serious compassion provided us with a truly unique ceremony.
I am desperately sad at learning of Kenn’s recent passing, to tonsil cancer. One of the cruelest twists to his personal battle, is that in the latter stages the disease stole his beautiful voice.
How blessed we were to have known Kenn.
The Far North
Spending a bit of time in the Far North was quite an experience.
We were looked after by our mates Jason and Jodee (who are expecting baby # 2 as I write this), and got to meet their toddler son Jake for the first time. (Sorry there’s no photo guys – can’t believe we didn’t snap one of us all together!)
Paul and I also stayed at their private sanctuary at Oak Beach – just lovely!
Along with getting in a fair amount of R & R, we also played tourist.
At times this involved stepping right outside my comfort zone and facing head on some of the changes that have occurred to my body.
I quickly discovered how different it is when you’re not protected by the relative ‘safety’ of your usual surrounds.
Looking at some of these shots – I don’t even feel like it’s my body!
These images aside – how spectacular is our location of Mossman Gorge?!
We also caught up with my friend Nerida, her husband Phil (who funnily enough works at ABC radio) and her parents Ken & Bev. It’s been a few years since I’ve seen Nerida and Phil, but 20 years since I’ve seen her Mum & Dad! We had a terrific night and talked lots about their life in the tropical north as well as what’s become of the former members of Virginia State School Swimming Club!
Laughs & Champagne
A fitting title in memory of a woman with whom I’ve shared decent amounts of laughs and champagne over the years.
This morning, my dear friend and former radio colleague Jan Turner passed away. ‘Janee’ as she was known to most, had a great big smile and big heart to match.
I’m almost lost for words.
Jan was diagnosed with lung cancer in the weeks before Christmas. Just nine weeks between diagnosis and her passing. Such a cruel and devastating disease.
We’ll all miss you Janee.
Ohhh, my goodness….
No words can describe the shock, sadness, angst, pain I feel for two much-loved friends right now.
Two former colleagues from my radio career have been diagnosed with cancer. Both different ages, stages and kinds.
My heart aches for them and their families.
I didn’t work directly with these two wonderful people, but clearly, there’s a heartfelt connection.
I wish there was something I could do to help the situation. In reality, all I can do, is be their friend when they want/need me most.
KCxx
The Sweetest Thing..
As the U2 song rings in your ears – I’ll point out that I’m actually talking about chocolate (okay…and boobs!)
One of my ‘boob/cancer’ mates – Lori and her daughter Stacie thought these little gems would bring a smile to the dial.
They were right!
New Year, New Body, New ???
To be brutally honest – I’ve never truly understood why so many people were willing to say ‘good riddance’ to the year just passed. Guess that shows I’ve had a pretty good life.
This year however, is obviously quite different. I can’t say I wont be happy to see the end of 2009. That attitude seems wasteful in some respects, but whilst I’ve learned many (some very hard) lessons this year, now I know is the time to draw a line in the sand. (I must admit to feeling a sense of profound grief for those who have recently been diagnosed. If only we could spare them from some of the heartache – particularly at this time of year.)
Tomorrow – Paul and I will embark on a holiday to tropical Port Douglas. We’ll be out of our beautiful, but somewhat cage-like home for a whole two weeks. And better still we’re going to spend some time with our friends Jason and Jodee and their toddler son Jake.
The whole ‘parenthood’ and ‘family’ thing is in fact quite a big deal. Some of my most precious friends (Summer, Clinton, Renae, Jas & Jode) are now Mum’s and Dad’s. For some of them, this wonderful gift has occurred during my little journey. My treatment for breast cancer has only highlighted the fragility of human life and also the difficulties one can and sometimes must face in endeavouring to achieve this feat. Without putting too finer point on it – can’t help feeling a little sad. In the space of nine months your world can be turned upside-down – for each extreme of the human condition.
Happy New Year everyone. More than anything – I hope it brings you perfect health and with that, the ability to savour all the joy life has to offer.
Boob shopping, to bra shopping.
Dr D had commented during the expansion process that it was ‘just like being a teenage girl all over again’. Those words resonated as I went on the hunt for a new bra to hold the new ‘boobs’.
After no bra for months, surgery that has significantly changed my body shape, then the post-op/compression get-up for the last little while, I didn’t know where to start!
Rather than calling on my Mum to help (remembering back to the training bra fitting all those years ago…), I enlisted the help of my good friend Tania.
Although there was a considerate suggestion from the surgeon’s rooms that I go and see a ‘mastectomy specialist’, I just couldn’t do it. I wanted to just go and grab a bra off a rack like any other woman. The fitting process – was a whole other kettle of fish!
Tan was understanding of my hesitation, patient with my fussing and managed to crack a smile (followed by a big belly laugh!), when I looked in absolute shock when the sales assistant returned with a DD cup!
For the record – I’ve gone from an A-B cup, to a C-D depending on the label, cut and style.
KATE CARLYLE 